Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Finding Inspiration

In the post-Christmas winter, I have trouble with inspiration. Something about the whole world being drained of its color and slushy beneath my feet, makes me want to curl up and hibernate until signs of new life start to peek through.

I'm finding this especially true this winter, as I'm also being drained from the inside by this pregnancy (another reason to look forward to the thaw of spring.)

In my efforts to uncover some form of inspiration from the depths of myself, I've been going through photographs. It started out as very story-specific - a piece I'm working on involves a child experimenting with a camera - but has turned into a source of reflection and enjoyment, and ultimately, inspiration.

I'll browse through people's photo's on Flickr - searching by a word, or a name of a place from my past - but I have actually found that simply playing around with the colors or shading or by softening the edges of some of my own amatuer photographs, I'm just as inspired.

Still. Spring can not come fast enough.


Eileen Wiedbrauk said...

I'm not certain how you'd react to this, but I'd love to read stories you've written about pregnancy. So many people skim over it or paint it in flowery terms of constant happiness and joy because that's what's expected of a pregnant woman. Yet even hearing you say "being drained from inside by this pregnancy" is insanely interesting to me. I want to know more.

Mella said...

Yeah, I'm not one of those flowery, gushy, life is all hearts and lollipops sort of pregnant ladies.

Your comment got me to think though, how exactly do I think/feel/write about expectancy. And I think, though I could be forgetting something, I haven't ever written a pregnant fictional character. Except for the several women who have lost pregnancies...

I've done a lot of non-fiction writing about my own experiences. And from those, I would have to say the feeling I relate pregnancy to the most is actually loss. Loss of personal identity (you become "awww, how far along are you?" lady), loss of control (over just about everything), loss of a little bit of yourself (because no matter what, your life is going to change), and of course, loss because I have had losses myself.

Having said that, with number 3 on the way, it's pretty obvious that the results of pregnancy make me happy enough to go through it again and again. =)